Victim Advocates

Mac Crary July 13, 2017


In order for words to work or be any help at all in our society there would have to be someone to read them. Martha Gellhorn once wrote of Dachau, "it did no man ever any good whatsoever to cry out from this place." She also told of one woman screaming the same high pitch and said, "for her we came too late." There really is an iron curtain in America, or you might want to call it an ironic curtain. Victimization can be so serious here that in order to cover it up, terrible punishments are visited on attempts to report it, and the punishments become an addiction for the government, so that describing torture touches a raw nerve of sadistic pleasure until people can't help themselves anymore. Yes, you were victimized, that is why we are torturing you, don't you understand? Is the message.

It serves the people of Seattle to go about business this way because it leads to cheap redemption. Thos. Gordon, a Harvard social anthropologist, once said, "If you beat a dog it will love you more." The leader of a particularly atrociously treated African country was asked what would make things better, barely able to restrain his despair he said, "Just stop abusing us, that's all." If you make someone that destroyed for that long, redemption comes cheap. Even then, even knowing that, you wouldn't dream of stopping. The things I testify to no longer can be remedied because they have left me without goals, without dreams, deaf, unable to love, sick with diabetes, my facial nerve ruptured, my name rubbed into the dirt and then in my face. Even while being jeered for what was done to me: blindside attacks, kidnapping, a nerve agent, torture of a truly deranged direction as a hostage child, serial defamation, even while being jeered for making lists of what was done on those terrible weeks of grueling imprisonment by armed men in stolen cars, and in the safehouses where I tried to run, even then I am not allowed to say what I didn't do. It is what I didn't do that makes it so worthwhile for the killers. The fact that I didn't do it is what provides the turn on. What good is protesting that not having done something proves you didn't?

I am not allowed to say what I didn't do. Well some of it, I am. I didn't commit armed robbery for which I was arrested after a year of straight A's and a summer at the Pennsylvania Governors School for the Arts on a poetry scholarship studying under Peter Balakian. The fact that I would be arrested on such a ridiculous, trumped up charge might have notified someone that unusual political activity was underway. The reason it didn't is that something much more hysterical wasn't done by me, and that I may not even report. The fact that I didn't do it may blow up in my face because I am being subject to slavery for having nothing whatsoever to do with it at all, and if I name it, you will get angry at me, and there will be no telling how you lash out at me. I have been told that I must cooperate. Telling isn't cooperating.

Being accused of not doing something that in fact I didn't do, of not knowing about something that in fact I didn't know anything about, carries the price of a pretzel logic. Because I didn't do it and the investigators know that, they have a blank check for dreaming up a weird story about why I didn't, because not doing something you knew nothing about and cannot name isn't good enough an explanation. The assassins investigating have taken measures, such as torturing me into seizures by targeting pre-existing head injury, the rape of my deaf girlfriend and the ripper murder of a bystander, all while grinning that if I told anyone why they did it I would be the one to get in trouble, not because I didn't anything wrong, but because I didn't cooperate. When I cooperate they are always friendly, I am after all a published poet and straight A student in school. What could be nicer than for a nice person to be nice to people who brutally subjected him to mutilation hate crime for years and years while orchestrating absolutely unbelievable slanders to enrich themselves and got away with raping his loved one and humiliating him in ways so unspeakable that his mind is shattered, chasing me into homelessness and decrepit old age having never had a life? What's this dangerous talk?

They are studio technicians, too. They have Drama Clubs called "Friends," quite literally, one of them was on the television show "Friends." That means when they set on you in ripper attacks, yes murdering a woman, they are your friends is what it means and if you question that there is something wrong with you and you will be rejected. Nobody wants to be rejected. It is worse than being deported. The girl you thought loved you and wanted to marry you who was just setting you up for a joke is a good example. That was your fault. You thought you were better than us, they continue in their parody of Pentagon Disney voices. That's what kind of school of fish it is.

You would think it might not have worked out this way. Zappa after all said that when he saw people leaving Alice Cooper early in his career he was sure Cooper had it right. The sound of Vince Eirene at Catholic Worker, Rusted Root of East Liberty District, Ming Na Wen of Friends, and WQED's MisterRogers screaming that nobody tortured me, even as I crawled on the sidewalk in convulsions of vomit and screams, deaf, hiding in the closet as a child, biting my fingernails bloody, might have made someone say, well, not like Anne Frank, but weird. Oh they said weird plenty.

Instead they looked at John Lennon's old enemy Nixon and thought well Reagan is better than Nixon. Reagan would want us to torture someone who didn't think so. Leave it to us. Lennon would want us to do it and love makes all things new again. We will do it for you and there, having construed punishment as justified, they proceeded and it won't make the news, not even if you forgive them.

What happened on Mt. Desert Island in 1988 with Peter Gabriel hearing about from faraway Britain was never disputed to have been an AIDS testing entrapment operation. Gabriel said so openly in his alibi. What is disputed is that the nerve agent they put in there, in my cranium, to forge my behavior to their ends, was part of a plan. No, it's different they say. Instead, John Lennon used drugs, therefore anyone who was severely injured by drugs did it to themselves and had it coming. John Lennon they say, would agree. He would sing of helping Reagan, "You will be blessed, we promise you that, we promise you that." I am not supposed to tell you that I didn't save John Lennon, since there was nothing I knew about the plan to help him disappear or I should have said kill him, since the nerve agent he supplied, at least morally, wasn't part of a plan.

What is sad about this is that the evidence that the AIDS testing entrapment that Peter Gabriel called an "experience park to build empathy" for AIDS victims was a war game and long planned is ignored. It's easy to prove. By ignoring the clear case for planning you allow those implicated in planning AIDS as an attack from before it happened to ride high and direct the show. After all they didn't plan it therefore they must be what they claim: response warriors. How we need such gallantry! Most police services were advised that artists were going to manage the AIDS crisis, and so they ignored, as you do, and will not allow mentioned, that there was evidence of planning in what these artists set out to do. In this crime my having been tortured becomes grandstanding, and Gabriel knew just what to do, he called me a statistic and said I was seeking attention.

The African Americans involved remain particularly ghoulish. All over Africa witchcraft is still admired. Dr. Ralph Proctor who gloats of his friends knocking out white boys was particularly keen on defaming me through an impacted head injury they knew was there and knew I didn't. "You're not special," his nephew Dr. Harrison barked at me. The sadism towards me provided primo libation as they knocked out the white for African seance society, providing "the screams of the innocent" as medicine to counter their own suffering. This gluttony was done by those who evidence shows pre-planned the operation, but you say that it isn't so, therefore let them win, you refuse to look at the evidence, therefore why not let them control the show?

Dignity and self-respect really don't have any place in Seattle when it comes to sex, torture and money.